OK, emotional check-in. I'm sick and exhausted. It's not despair. I've had plenty of despair these past few months, but for me, uncertainty is worse than despair. How much will be enough? No idea. How much can I do? Not as much as I want to. This is the way the movement goes - it's a lot like Facebook as a whole, we're not really all together at one time. It's draining, even for extroverts it's probably draining, and people have to drop out suddenly for self-care. That's good, that's important, for those of you who may be taking time off in the near future. Fight when you can, do what you need to, but this is a long struggle, one that probably won't be decided this week or next week.
I've never been very good at taking it easy in the best of times. It's hard for me to set boundaries, particularly when everything people are doing right now is so critically important. And I don't really have anywhere else to go. I can only watch so many kung fu movies, can only listen to so many records, before I have to say something, do something, even if there is no immediate result. But a lot of times it doesn't make me feel better. Even when it does, like on Saturday, there's this sense of deep exhaustion, and sometimes the sense is that of yelling into a black hole.
Anyway, I just wanted to write this stuff down because I am sure I'm not the only one feeling this way, and hopefully it helps a little.
